میں اگر زیست کی

اس کہانی کو

تصنیف خود کررہا ہوں

تو کردار میرے بنائے ہوئے

کیوں نہیں ہیں،

 

یہ کہانی ورق در ورق

باب در باب

میرے تصور کے برعکس

تبدیل ہوتی رہی ہے،

 

میرا احساس خود مجھ کو

جبری مشقت کا قیدی

بنائے ہوئے ہے،

 

مگرآسمان محبت میں

ہلکی سی جنبش ہوئی ہے

اور مجھ کو یقیں ہے

میرے حصے کی روشن کرن

میرے زنداں کی جانب

روانہ ہوئی ہے۔

Advertisements

These days ..

The blinking cursor

curses even more

when you keep staring the screen

like an ullu

(wont use the word ‘owl’

for it is wise in the West)

flailing futile for the straw

of an idea to catch; unlike the hay

stuffed in the hollow of your brain.

It is right then, when you shut the cursor down

and go on a Tweeting spree.

 

 

 

A random visit to my blog

Its been a while; almost three months since I let the one or two kind visitors of this blog know what rambled in my mind. The hiatus was long but not an uneventful one. The events begged to be vented but the eternal ennui that I suffer from did not let me type it here. Events like seeing off a very dear friend to the far off lands, like the death of a few more dreams, like a near one coming miraculously back to life, warranted detailed posts but the reason is obvious with a lazy me. All the while what disturbed me the most was a dry spell of ideas to form a poem-cloud, the spell still protracts. All I have is an incomplete poem that I started to write for my mother which I’d hopefully complete in a few moths time and that hopefully will be the next post on this blog. Lemme sleep again 🙂

Random Tweets

Who cares for quality when one is not even able to string two decent lines in to a a blogpost! So I better stop this nonsensical wait for a poem to pour or some concentration to muster in a prose. I better share with you my random mind that I tweeted away in the span of a fortnight or so.

  • There’s a certain North star that I’m in love with for the conspicuous glitter it has; Its heart might have caught a bigger fire!
  • the bigger the fire the brighter the face!
  • If only we could erase our sorrows from the slate of our mind! If only we could write ourselves all over again!
  • Could I rise from the ruins; wish I could grow wings like a phoenix!
  • I’ve become a cynic; a terrible one at that!
  • Raith say buth na bana aey meray achay fankaar; aik lamhay ko teher, may tujhay pathar la dooN!
  • So, where’s my galaxy when the sun’s sunk into the horizon?
  • Passing through a weird phase that has the potential to make or annihilate my inner being; wish I metamorphose to something good!
  • Dont succumb to vanity; Cling on!
  • As if someone’s clipped the wings of my imagination; I cant get out of the box to write and think! I’m dying to write something, really!
  • Gimme Thy blessings! Gimme the fertility of thoughts!
  • The sun is breathing its last! Lemme absorb its dying beauty in my eyes!
  • I love it when the orangish tinge of the dying sun reflects in my eyes!
  • safar dushwaar hay lakin; tumhari yaad kay gul; raah may khushboo lutatay hain
  • I was ‘optimistook’ hence am a pessimist!
  • The world tastes me porridge every time I’m high on the wine of dreams!
  • Give me some food for thought; I’m hungry since eternity!
  • Am not a cannibal but I still have the crave to hold your quivering heart and taste whether it tastes my love! 😛

Nothingness/Weirdness

I feel pity on this blog for the way it suffers the brunt of inactivity thanks to the rainless seasons in the barren lands of my mind. I started this to grow green pastures of optimism amid the infertility all around me, but alas!

So, the current is a rather lame effort to keep it alive for I have nothing significant to write. What about sharing with you a rather ‘funny’ incident that happened to me a couple of days back? Hmm .. let me recall it;

On the scorching last Sunday afternoon, I went out to the market to have some groceries. As I walked back towards my flat I felt as if somebody on a motorbike was chasing me. I sensed it right when he stopped right beside me and asked,

‘hello, do you live in this hostel?’, he pointed towards the nearby boys hostel.

‘no’ I replied rather politely. ‘why? is it alright?’

‘I actually have seen you somewhere. Do you go to the City gym?’ he took his helmet off, ran his fingers in those sweaty, shiny locks of his and I nodded to his query. As though in a hurry he asked my cell phone number which I couldn’t refuse. (my mannerism got the better of me, to my shock and bewilderment later). I offered him a cup of tea or cold drink which he smilingly promised for some other time later.

Later when I pondered the whole encounter, I couldn’t stop scolding myself for giving personal information to strangers out there. The thing became tricky when I received this sms like;

‘hey, it was nice to meet you yaar!’ to which I replied, ‘but I’m curious as to why you stopped and asked me those questions; tell me about yourself’.

The series of his replies incensed, shocked and amused me when he introduced himself to be an internee in a bank and showed his willingness to have with me ‘a relationship of romance’ 😛 I curbed my intention of bashing him for good and shut him up with a reply which thankfully he understood.

A friend of mine took his number and introduced himself to be somebody with an ‘open mind unlike Aadil’s conservatism’ to play a prank on the eccentric being but the ploy couldn’t work courtesy my friend’s mentioned age of 40 😛

On a serious note, the whole episode reminded me of how moralities evaporate and how values overlap in the age of so called globalization.

P.S: Some of the details have consciously been skipped to avoid indecency. I apologize if it still is.

P.P.S: It was Farhan who prompted me to post this encounter since I mentioned it on my twitter account 😉

Forgive me, mother!

I wish it were only a bad dream, not a strangling reality. But since I’m typing this fully awake, having consumed my stock of your lullabies, mother, let me confess you my failures. Let me show you my broken wings that cannot take me to the stars you wanted me to touch. Let me show you my hands, bereft. My heart is no longer the one, big, where your dreams would rest; it shriveled in the autumn ever since I wowed to bring you flowers.

It sure kills me to resign to the fact. To resign to the fact that your dreams will remain vain. That I’m the culprit of betraying your hopes. But mother, I have my reasons to excuse; there’s still this giant being of fate blocking my way to reach to you, to find myself.

I’m writing this because you cannot read it. Another deceit on my part but I cannot help it. I cannot tell you the truth, mour. Neither could I keep it to myself anymore. Forgive me for being a false source of your expectations! Forgive me mother!