A Rebuttal Of Fate

We are built
to be eroded
with the blows of time.

Now when I lose a piece
here or a chunk there,
I hold it tight, the treasure of

love, kept in the safety of heart
sealed with ego;

just don’t hand time
the stilettos of your lashes
to exhume it.

Preserved, this love
will mock the vicious ways
of our fate,

that crumbs us to death
after luring us to life.

Its been re written in light of Cav’s and a few others’ suggestions. I hope its better this time around;

We are built
to be eroded
by the strokes of time.

Time chiseled
to amputate the idols
I sculpted in my dreams;
now it wants to lacerate
my chest, looking
for the reservoir of love
kept in the safety of heart.

Just don’t hand time
the spears of your lashes
to exhume my love–

preserved, it will
mock the turns
of our sadistic fate

interested only in
keeping our ruins intact
after granting us
a handful of breaths.

31 thoughts on “A Rebuttal Of Fate

  1. “Yes, kya karoon! ”

    theme change karain aur kya karna haeπŸ˜›

    Beautifully written poem!

    just don’t hand time
    the stilettos of your lashes
    to exhume it.

    uff uff uff!!!

  2. First, I’m happy that you’ve decided to come back to this whitish theme ! (:

    Second, and I’m afraid you’ll not like it, I didn’t find this poem as good as your previous ones in terms of execution – one may say it’s sad we get into comparative analysis too often but then it’s unavoidable at times. See, there’re negatives to a repute one has established (in your case it’s that of a very gifted poet) – mediocrity from someone like you is inexcusable. It seems that either you wrote it in a hurry and never came back to it, or perhaps forced yourself into writing it.

    PS: Please forgive me if you don’t like what I’ve said; I never meant ridicule. I only meant to tell you that this is NOT YOU, not the Aadil that I’ve been reading !

    1. First of all, welcome back to this blog! It was craving for thy presence!πŸ™‚

      Now lemme answer your comment which I liked; seriously I liked your comment.

      and I’m afraid you’ll not like it, I didn’t find this poem as good as your previous ones in terms of execution .. yes I might be averse to hardcore criticism but it would be sheer stupidity to ignore good positive critical views especially if one is desirous of improvement, so why would I not like your views? I still have got a semblance of good sense, I guess. Its my pleasure to be around someone like you who would point out my deficiencies for the good of mine.

      it seems that either you wrote it in a hurry and never came back to it, or perhaps forced yourself into writing it. … I gave it a good thought and forced myself in writing it;). But yes, I’m pathetic at re-reading and reviewing and rewriting the stuff executed once; I seriously need to adopt this approach of revisiting the older pieces for improvement.

      So, the question is whether the piece in discussion can be improved or shall it be removed off the face of this blog? .. If yes, then tell me how!

      So very thanks for the comment and your positive remarks between the lines!πŸ˜‰

  3. Assalamoalaikum

    I thought this looks a nit similar to the last one, although I must admit a bit better, even though with my Nul knowledge of poetry…

    I had read somewhere you had been havnig fever? How ar eyou now? I had been busy with the family. Thought to check on blog after fajr today:D

    I hope you;re feeling well now.

    Take care Rora.

    1. Waalaikum Assalaam!

      Yep its similar in idea with a bit of tweaking in phrases and an effort to make it a bit clearer. I admit its not my best, though.

      Yep I’ve had my share of fever and other related symptoms but I’m well and fine by the grace of Almighty. Thanks for askingπŸ™‚

      Hope your ramazan is going well and you are basking in the blessings of the holy month. I’ll request you to remember me in your prayers.

      Go well!πŸ™‚

  4. though i am totally unpoetic soul, it doesn’t mean i dont have interest or appreciate the poetry but i can’t write…but you are fanatically drowned in poetic well….the initial part was also good as per my view but the new one is above the heights…. πŸ™‚
    impressive

    1. ‘you are fanatically drowned in poetic well’ … .. really?

      if that be the case, I’d love poetry to consume me; you know what, I find shelter in poetry, its my sanctuary.

      Thanks for the comment!πŸ™‚

      1. as i sensed in your words that you beautifully dwelled in poetic lyrics, you might be the successor of some high caliber poet…. πŸ™‚
        everyone has few places to hide, you may found in poetry.

  5. I’m an admirer of all the great poets and of the not so great, as well!πŸ˜‰

    As for your comment, I’m humbled, not at all worthy to be called a poet. Anyways, thank you for your comments.πŸ™‚

  6. kashkin

    interested only in
    keeping our ruins intact
    after granting us
    a handful of breaths.

    Aadil, beautiful poem to describe the effect…

    and ramadan mubarik to all you friends

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