To be honest, I staggered midway through this poem as to how to go about it or how to give it an ending which am not at all satisfied with what it has got but I had to finish it to feed my blog hence its being posted.
On another note, the theme of this poem may not be appropriate enough to complete my 200th post on this blog but its how it is; my life, my blog. Hope you’d tolerate my excessive outpour of pain and its dimensions.
No signs preceded the tempest;
the sky hid secrets
under the hoax of clear azure
before it split
to inflict a fierce pain-storm
upon me.
And wells swelled with every
step you took on your way
back in your sudden defection
from my chest.
The tides rose
to blur the dreams
of islands in my eyes.
Like a boat, severed
with torn up sails, I float
on the whims
of wild winds intent
on giving me the torture
of your loss
before sinking me deep
into obscurity.
Aadil's Writing Journey 
Many, many congrats on your 200th post. I like your blog so keep writing! 🙂
As for the poem, to me it looks fine and nice like your other poems. Let’s see what others have to say about the flow 🙂
Thankyoo! 🙂 I too write to learn something good from fellows like you. Thanks for your encouragement to write and explore meself! 🙂
Is this ‘lost’ or ‘loss’? 😐
Oops!! its loss .. am lost in the loss 😛
Thanks for the correction! 🙂
Ahaaaaaaaaan 200th Post … Congratulationsssss 😀
So very thanks, nayni! 🙂
It’s a good poem; adequately showing the state of soul.
Congratulations on surpassing the two centum blog entries hallmark. Keep blogging.
I’m glad, Moorwen that you liked the poem 🙂
Thanks for the comment!
It’s beautiful and sad, as always, even the ending.
Congrats on number 200 😀
Oh, thanks both for the poem and congrats! 😀
Congratulations on your 200th.
I’m amazed by how international the English speaking poetry community is. I don’t know why I should be. But to actually be able to read the poetry by a poet in Pakistan. It makes the word a small place.
There’s a flavor to your poem that’s hard to describe. You’re a very descriptive and evocative poet – and your poetry is rich in personification. Makes me wonder what poetry has influenced you – reminds me a little of Bly’s translations of Rumi.
Wow .. I’m sort of excited to see you here on my blog! 🙂
Yes, the world indeed is a small place. You know what, we’ve got a great English literary tradition with notable literati like Alamgir Hashmi, Daud Kamal, Taufeeq Rafaat and Ejaz Rahim to name a few, who’ve written high class poetry and are known internationally. Besides our prose writers like Bapsi Sidhwa, Hanif Kureshi, Mohsin Hamid, Kamila Shamsi and few more have also made it to international recognition for their work.
For someone who is a novice in what English poetry is all about, I’m glad to have got your words of appreciation. I’m looking forward to interact with you and learn a lot about the nuances of poetry.
Thank you so much! 🙂
First, Congratulations for having come so far ! It is an achievement, indeed — 200th post ! 🙂
As for this poem, it’s brilliantly written. I loved reading it (and actually read it thrice); the imagery is beautiful, almost magical. And I don’t think the ending is bad. Only, you should change the word ‘obscurity’. I am sure its not the word ‘obscurity’ that you want me to read here, eh ? You may also want to consider rephrasing this > “defection from my chest” — the expression is weak and..uh..jarring.
The rest of it is really really good. I am always amazed at how intelligently you choose the analogies.
Thank you! 🙂
Am glad this poem’s got your critique, a good one. Will try to improve on the weaker points, as you suggested.
//I’m looking forward to interact with you and learn a lot about the nuances of poetry.//
Me too. I can see I have a lot to learn about Poetry in Pakistan. If you ever have time or the inclination, I’d love to learn more about them and your opinions.
As for now, unfortunately, my computer is failing. I may be off line for a week or so. My daughters will be happy to see me without a computer.
Yes, we’ll discuss it once you’re back after a good time spent with your daughters 🙂
Enjoy your time off! 🙂
congratulations Aadil Allaah bless you,may u write more n more and quench the thirst of readers..It’s always a pleasure to visit your blog…May you get the recognition you truely deserve in this literary world…think about publishing your work.
I’m indebted for your well wishes and prayers! So very thanks! 🙂
Assalamoalaikum
MashaAllah a good poem, athough there seems to be no hope, no sign of mercy of Allah there…
Good work though.
Thanks for the comment. Its not that I’m hopeless of the mercy of Allah, I can’t thank Him for whatever I’m granted but I try to keep my relation with Allah somewhere deep within my chest away from the realms of any riya away from any claims of piousness. This poem’s a mere representation of the vulnerable human emotions.
God Bless!
Lovely poem as always.. not to mention painful. (:
The start was specially enchanting and it set the right mood for the poem. Keep writing and congrats on your 200th. (:
Welcome back! 🙂 Thanks for liking the poem even though it was painful 🙂 I too sort of liked the first stanza 🙂
congrates, keep moving buddy by creating value for your readers through your writing…
Thank you so much! 🙂
Great post! I’ll subscribe right now wth my feedreader software!
Pretty cool post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say
that I have really liked reading your blog posts. Anyway
I’ll be subscribing to your blog and I hope you post again soon!