Nursery rhymes? Aren’t they fun!

Its been ages since I last tried something to rhyme. As most the people I came across in a few writing forums loath rhyming and rightly so for rhyming could so conveniently affect the thought behind an idea; the thought being the soul in a write up or poem for that matter. Yet, there are some schools of thought who love to keep the tradition of rhyming alive. I heard from someone an interesting analogy of exemplifying the context to that of tea and a cup; the tea being the thought or idea of a write up and the cup being the structure or form. Now some prefer the chai to be strong enough to sooth their senses while their certainly are others attracted by the colors and structure of the mug containing it.

Below here is my effort to rhyme a few lines for fun. The critics surely will call them forced rhymes which in fact they are but what I wanted was to play with those words the way I haven’t played for quite some time.

Your whispers like a flowing rhyme

sound as if the bells chime

in the crypt of a slumbering time

with an an effect, purely sublime

_________________________________________

Your eyes, like goblets of wine

are made to quench a thirst only mine.

In the dark of life, like a guide divine,

keeping me on track, do they shine.

___________________________________________

Growing doubts in your brain

will only help our love to wane,

and I can’t bear such a pain,

for I’ll hardly remain sane.

______________________________________________

Placing on this heart, the sill

of your separation is a pill

bitter than hemlock; better

you asked me, myself to kill

17 thoughts on “Nursery rhymes? Aren’t they fun!

  1. Pingback: Nursery rhymes? Aren’t they fun! | Tea Break

  2. @nadia .. Thanks! They aren’t actually nursery rhymes but I’ve heard some remarks where critics have termed quite well thought out pieces (mine aren’t well thought out, though) as nursery rhymes.🙂

  3. bmk

    Good one by Aadil Ghamgeen {in the spirit of Sufi Tabassum :)}

    Growing doubts in your brain

    Will do BUT ruin the game

    I can’t bear such a pain

    Mind if I ‘ll be the same

    BTW, I was just wondering about Takhalus of Khawateen-o-Hazra’t poets on this circle.

  4. @BMK .. Nice! you too have got a witty rhyme scheme!😉 Nope, I’ll love to keep all but Ghamgeen, for its such a cliched Takhallus!🙂 You’ll see it chalked on walls, on the seats of local buses, in pub toilets and everywhere.

  5. Ayesha

    Nice but I am sure I can never do it🙂

    Your eyes like goblet of wine… is interesting!

    And about takhalus as bmk mentioned… I don’t think I’ll ever have one😀

  6. @Ayesha .. Thanks but I’m sure you can do it!🙂 Takhalus .. their are some very interesting ones in circulation like Betaab, Taab–my elder brother’s😉 , Hasrat, Majrooh and a few more ..🙂

  7. thats im more used to.
    very well done a-pa-g.

    Shah Jee… my father’s takhalus was NOOR.

    And my friends usually call me poetic son of my father as they thought of my last name (Rashid Noor) as my father’s takhallus.

  8. shobig

    I like the second one most, but I fear the day when they start teaching our kindergarten kids, nursery rhymes like these; and they’ll grow up into hordes of Ibn-e-Inshas and Majroohs. lol

    As for takhallus, your initial chowk id ‘aadee’ sounds very takhallusana. And may i suggest ‘baa-dil’, as in ‘with a heart’ and not baadal (cloud), rhymes well with your name. In any case, most of your poetry is in English, and there thakhallus is non-existent.

  9. @ Goonga Jee .. Your name’s got a very nice ring to it! Sounds very poetic! Could you provide me some of your father’s poems or writings? .. I’ll love to read them.

    @ serendipity hopeful .. My heart goes out to the suffering family. May Allah give your daughter’s friend a blooming health and quick recovery!

    @ Shobig .. liked the word ‘takhallusana’.🙂 As for ‘ba-dil’ .. it would very hard for me to remind everyone the difference between ba-dil and ba-dal😉 Waisay, I’m already using my pen-name ‘Omer’ instead of Shah.

  10. @ Asma .. I don’t want at all our children to remember rhymes like that! It was just an expression people use to describe when criticizing some specific rhymes.

    Must be interesting, the link given below. Am gonna check it!
    Thanks for commenting!🙂

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