I knew instantly ..

Asma invited me to follow this prompt at sundayscriblings which I did, hence the lines below;

I knew instantly that

your eyes like search lights

were probing the fear

based in the crevices

of my charcoaled heart,

running in my burning veins.

I couldn’t gaze back at you,

fearing a mix of coal with gold

could dilute your milky soul.

I couldn’t hold your hand

for the sole fear of losing you.

16 thoughts on “I knew instantly ..

  1. Pingback: I knew instantly .. | Tea Break

  2. Ah, another heartbreaking piece from you.

    “…fearing a mix of coal with gold

    could dilute your milky soul.”

    I felt like the main character in this poem feels so low of himself/herself, underestimating his/her own value.

    I feel so sad😦

    PS: Please bear with my comments on your masterpieces. My poetry skills are 7,000 feet below sea level. Can’t write myself, but try to appreciate the gift of those who can🙂

  3. shobig

    Aadil, you have a tendency to go overboard with the use of similes and metaphors. True they make an essential part of poetry and add to its appeal, but excess of anything and everything is bad. A simile between an eye and something as utterly non-poetic as a ‘search light’ takes a lot away from your otherwise well-themed poem.

    PS. I hope you will take my comments in good spirit, as you have always done, and I hope by now you are aware of the contempt I reserve against the mention of ‘devices’ in poetry.😀

  4. Asma Ahsan

    Shobig – I hope you will take my comment in good spirit, which till now you have never needed to as I have never commented like this on your comments – i hope you are catching the drift of what I am saying here.

    You seen to have a tendency to go overboard with your cynicism. Try to be a little positive in life.

    An artist, whether a poet or expressing any form of creativity has to experiment with all forms of similies and metaphors – just like you guys try out different devices to put together a final piece of something in your line of work which I am not very clear about so I will not write nonsense over that in here – What I am saying here is that its the same rule, both an artist and a scientist like to be left alone in their lab when creating new ideas. One has to give them space.

    PS. I hope you will take MY comments in good spirit as well, since a guy who can be a critic should also be big enough to take criticism – right?

    No pun intended.

  5. shobig

    Criticism of criticism, now that’s a novel idea.😀

    “both an artist and a scientist like to be left alone in their lab when creating new ideas.”

    That’s true. But once they come up with a new idea and decide to go public, I am afraid they cannot be left alone. No new scientific, philosophical or artistic idea can be exempted from criticism. Stephen Hawking and Peter Higgs, two of the greatest physicists alive, are known to openly criticize each other’s works. And when a novice like Aadil posts his poems on a blog and opens it for comments, he doesn’t and shouldn’t expect people only to praise his work. He thrives on criticism, and that is what ought to polish his creative abilities. I don’t hold back my admiration when I really like his works and he knows that. And both I and he have been pretty comfortable with my criticism so far. When I don’t understand a theme or a verse I come clean with it and he explains it, or changes it if I or someone can put in in a better way, and that’s the best part. We have had a good debate on his board below as you can see. So I guess it’s best to jointly roll the ball into his court.🙂

  6. @nadia … I too am waiting for my pen to drip happier notes … I seriously want this … hope a good sis like you will pray for me🙂

    @utp … yes, I got that chemistry thing too, later when I wrote it … there is some biology as well when I mentioned that heart pumping something of a fire ..😉

    @shobig .. yes I’m aware of your contempt for ‘devices’ in poetry yet I can’t help it for I can’t escape from their presence in my real life🙂 which to some are fresh images. Thanx for your comments🙂

    @Asma .. thanx a lot for your presence .. got your point which I might not have cleared the way you did and am happy shobig responded in a very positive manner.

    @TheSribbler .. thats more like it😉 so very thanks!🙂

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